I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
