i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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