Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
