After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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