He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
