Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
