omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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