So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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