TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
