Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
