I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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