it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
