I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Semen is not good for contacts.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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