I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
