I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
love makes seman taste better
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
