Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
