i love accidental penises.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
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