matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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