Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
