Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
