margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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