Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
