Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
