If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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