im drinking this country out of the recession.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
