oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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