We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
