I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
