I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
