Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Two words: blizzard sex
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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