so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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