i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
