And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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