Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
