I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
