dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
