I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
