He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
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