fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
