I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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