i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
