Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
