hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
