He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
