Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
