so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
