Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
