are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
