I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Do vagina's smell?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
