Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Omg I joined a choir last night...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
