sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
