so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
