the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
