I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
