Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
