I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
