did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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